The "P" stands for Phony, the "F" for Fake

I had never dined at P.F. Chang's prior to last Wednesday when we gathered to celebrate Kathleen's birthday. My avoidance of the restaurant was deliberate, despite that I was told that the restaurant was good. My reasons were the following:

1. A non-Chinese place serving Chinese food? Can't be good.
2. Pay $10 for Americanized dishes like Sweet and Sour Pork that I can normally get for $5? I'm too cheap for that.
3. A Chinese restaurant that has ambiance and a polite wait staff is automatically suspect.

In honor of Kat, I put aside my reservations and joined the dinner party. Unfortunately, all my assumptions proved correct. How weird is it to order Broccoli Beef from a white woman? I should be giving my order to a Chinese man with slicked back hair, who, while writing, is yelling at the bus boy to get more tea for the table.

The food itself was okay at best. I could probably get the same quality of food at a Chinese fast food place, $3.99 for 3 dishes plus rice and noodles. My favorite quote of the night was from Tina, who after trying a dish exclaimed, "WHAT AM I EATING??" It turned out to be Chicken with Mangos. Maybe it's a Thai dish? It's certainly not Chinese.

The clincher was the rice. It was white rice. And by white, I mean Uncle Ben's rice. The rice of white America. Not sticky in any way. Not soft and chewy. I'm not saying that Uncle Ben's is bad rice (though I never eat it). I'm saying how hard is it to get the rice correct if you claim to serve Asian food.

But maybe I'm looking at this ALL wrong. I'm comparing authentic Chinese food, eaten at Chinese restaurants and served by Chinese to a restaurant that has the non-Chinese customer in mind. Maybe it's for those who aren't yet prepared to try chicken's feet or sea cucumbers. Maybe it's a good stepping stone to more adventurous food, after graduating from orange chicken and ma-po-tofu.